Uncle Jimmy Eats

Maple Porn

2011-01-08T14:16:00.004-05:00

Being a VT native this really does it for me. Uhh...

$tefania, You're so Weird

2010-12-14T20:52:00.003-05:00

http://breadpeople.tumblr.com/

Road Island. It's Not a road, nor an island. Discuss.

2010-12-12T05:56:00.002-05:00

Egg cream

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A New York Egg Cream.

An egg cream is a beverage consisting of chocolate syrup, milk, and soda water, probably dating from the late 19th century, and is especially associated with Brooklyn, home of its alleged inventor, candy store owner Louis Auster. It contains neither eggs nor cream.

The egg cream is almost exclusively a fountain drink; although there have been several attempts to bottle it, none has been wholly successful, as its fresh taste and characteristic head requires mixing of the ingredients just before drinking. The drink can be compared to a traditional ice cream soda, though it contains no ice cream.

Freddy Mercury Cake

2010-12-12T05:53:00.001-05:00

Come on. Is this magic or what?!?!?!?

I Don't Know How True This Is

2010-12-12T05:50:00.003-05:00

10 Most Disgusting Things

Found in Food

Published on 9/14/2010 under Strange Stories - by Gracie Murano - 284,079 views

Dead mouse found in a Curry Sauce

When Cate Barrett bought a jar of tikka masala sauce from her local Asda store, she was expecting it to contain a bit of a kick. But what she wasn't expecting to find was the dead mouse which had somehow ended up in the jar - along with the rest of her favorite sauce. The nursery worker had begun making dinner for herself and her boyfriend, Nigel, when she poured the sauce into the pan, and noticed it was a little lumpy. As she began stirring the sauce through, she noticed what looked like whiskers and a tail - and immediately knew it was a dead rodent. The couple took the dead animal and the jar of Asda Extra Special sauce back to the shop where a manager apologized and said it would be sent for examination.

(Link | Via)

Oven glove found in Hovis loaf

A woman in Northern Ireland discovered part of an oven glove baked into her slice of bread - and she didn't even notice it until she began eating it. The loaf had been bought from a local shop just before Christmas. When the victim discovered the contamination, she reported the matter to the environmental health section of the council. The packet turned out to be full of shreds of the hessian-type cloth. Herefordshire-based Hovis makers Premier Foods were fined £750. (Link | Via)

Chicken head found in McDonald's Happy Meal

An American mother went to a McDonald's with her two 6 and 8 -year old children.
She ordered two Happy Meals with chicken for the children and a hamburger with fries for herself. While they were eating, the 6-year old was more interested in the slide across the street than in the chicken nuggets which he didn't even touch. So the mother decided she would eat them. Without actually watching what she was doing she was bringing a chicken biggest to her mouth, just when her 8-year old son yelled not to eat it. So she looked at the biggest to find that -- despite the crust, it looked just like a chicken's head.The manager offered them their meal for free and two more weeks of free meals. The mother pressed charges and demanded 100,000 dollars compensation. (Link)

7-inch knife found in a Subway Bun

A Queens, N.Y. man sued his local Subway restaurant after he made a frightening discovery that gives new meaning to his former favorite, the Italian cold-cut trio: a knife baked right into the bun. John Agnesini, 27, was shocked to find the surprise ingredient, and a large one at that, in his sandwich. The design director of HX magazine was sitting at his computer doing work and not looking at what he was about to put into his mouth. Agnesini said he didn't bite into the knife's blade and wasn't cut, but a few hours later, he said he felt sick to his stomach and went to his doctor. (Link)

Dead frog found in a Diet Pepsi can

Fred DeNegri was grilling in his backyard when he cracked open a can of Diet Pepsi, took a thirsty gulp and immediately started gagging. The flavor of his Pepsi was rank and the texture was thick like slime. He immediately took it to a sink and shook out the contents until something resembling "pink linguini" slid out, followed by "dark stuff”. Despite persistent shaking, a heavy object remained inside the can. Completely disgusted, the DeNegris immediately called poison control and the FDA, and the can was taken in for lab testing to identify the source of the sludgy mess. The couple received a copy of the completed report from the Food and Drug Administration Office of Regulatory Affairs, which concluded the foreign matter appeared to be a frog or a toad. (Link)

Finger found in frozen custard

A man found part of a severed finger packed inside a pint of frozen custard he'd bought from a Kohl's Frozen Custard shop, and officials said it belonged to a worker injured in a food-processing machine accident there. The customer, Clarence Stowers, said he put the finger in his mouth, thinking it was a piece of candy when he opened the pint at home. Stowers said he spat the object out, and "I said, 'God, this ain't no nut!' So I came in here to the kitchen and rinsed it off with water and realized it was a human finger and I just started screaming."

The custard shop owner, Craig Thomas, said that the 23-year-old employee who lost the finger had dropped a bucket while working with a machine that dispenses the custard. He tried to catch the bucket when the accident occurred. Thomas said that as several employees tried to help the injured worker, a drive-thru window attendant apparently scooped the chocolate custard into a pint before being told what had happened. (Link)

Condom found in clam chowder

In Feb. 2002 a woman was eating a bowl of clam chowder at a McCormick and Schmick's seafood restaurant in Irvine, CA, when she bit down on something rubbery. She thought it was a piece of calamari, but when she spit it out into her napkin she discovered that it was a condom. She immediately complained and the restaurant manager took the condom from her. The woman later sued and won an undisclosed settlement from the restaurant. The restaurant itself tried to sue the supplier of the clam chowder, but a judge ruled in favor of the supplier. (Link)

Cockroach found in packet of GoldenBoy

A man almost ate this cockroach, found inside a packet of GoldenBoy crispy anchovy snack. The cockroach was difficult to spot initially as it was coated with sesame seeds, making it blend together with the snack. He had bought a 'GoldenBoy crispy anchovy snack' and almost ate a small cockroach after eating about 1/3 of the snack. The cockroach even had sesame seeds on it, which means that it came along with the anchovies inside. (Link)

Black Widow spider found in bag of Grapes

A man from Boston found a living black widow spider in a bag of grapes bought at the Whole Foods Market in Brighton. Jorge Fuertes reached into the bag, pulled out some grapes and saw something black fall out and run away. He thought it was an ant, so he looked in the bag and found a southern black widow spider. He spit out his mouthful of grapes and noticed the spider's telltale red hourglass on its belly. He put it in a yogurt cup and went back to the store to let them know what had happened. A manager told Fuertes the entire shipment of Anthony's brand organic red seedless grapes would be removed from the shelves. In a statement Whole Foods said spiders are part of the landscape at their California grower and "although we are very cautious when unpacking produce, sometimes insects are not detected." A black widow bite is rarely deadly, but its neurotoxic venom is painful. It can bring on muscle cramps, vomiting, and dizziness, especially in young children and the elderly. (Link | Via)

Poop found in ice cream

A family accused chefs of serving poop in their ice cream after they complained about noise during a football match. A bitter row broke out between them and one of Sydney's largest tourist pubs. State government food minister Ian Macdonald confirmed that frozen fecal matter had been found in a serving of chocolate gelato offered to placate pub patron Steve Whyte and his wife Jessica, who became "violently ill" after eating it. Staff at the Coogee Bay Hotel, located just a few minutes south of Bondi Beach, denied the charge. Both the chef and restaurant manager volunteered for DNA tests to prove their innocence. Both sides have accused the other of money seeking, with the Whyte's claiming they were offered $5,000 (£1,500) in hush money by pub General Manager Tony Williams, while they in turn were accused of trying to negotiate up to $1 million in damages. (Link)

http://www.oddee.com/item_97193.aspx

Coo Coo For Cocoa Puffs

2010-12-12T05:42:00.003-05:00

Ingredients

Corn (Whole Grain Corn, Meal)Sugar, Corn Syrup, Modified Corn Starch, Cocoa Processed with Alkali, Canola and/or Rice Bran Oil, Caramel and Beet Juice Concentrate Color, Salt, Fructose, Calcium Carbonate, Tricalcium Phosphate, Corn Starch, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Trisodium Phosphate, Zinc and Iron (Mineral Nutrients)Vitamin C (Sodium Ascorbate)a B Vitamin (Niacinamide)Vitamin B6 (Pyridoxine Hydrochloride)Vitamin B2 (Riboflavin)Vitamin B1 (Thiamin Mononitrate)a B Vitamin (Folic Acid)Vitamin B12, Vitamin E (Mixed Tocopherols)BHT Added to Preserve Freshness.

Eww.

Someone I'd Like To Stab In the Neck

2010-11-16T02:47:00.003-05:00

"HEY YA'LL!"

Better Than a Mango Even

2010-11-16T01:35:00.005-05:00

Warning: Refrain from watching if you're grossed out by... Uh, well... anything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxv6R9fUO74

Thanks Jonathan For Reading My Blog

2010-11-15T11:34:00.002-05:00

Bacteria That Don't Die

2010-11-12T02:59:00.003-05:00

There are two things I know about me and yogurt:

1. ... I am super fucking specific about. I buy fat-free, organic, plain yogurt with the least sugar possible. Because I'm a freakazoid, and I will only consume this specific freak-worthy type, I spend way too much money on tiny containers of it.

2. ... It inevitably goes bad quicker then I can use it.

SO, if it's around for more than a couple of days I started a new thang. I'll mix the yogurt with a little sugar-free jam or blanched fruit and then freeze it in ice cube trays for later use in smoothies, or defrosted for 'regular' yogurt, or to eat half frozen as a poor man's fro-yo treat.

BUT, I became increasingly concerned that I was freezing away all those good bacteria one hears so much about and that I'm paying so much for with my freakazoid specificity. So, I did what any concerned citizen would do and I turned to the world wide web.

What I found is that when you freeze yogurt the bennie bacteria go dormant, but once you defrost or consume the yogurt the bacteria are resurrected from their dormant state to dance their magic dance in your poop shoot.

So rest easy my dear friends. Bacteria lives on.

Dag

2010-11-12T02:52:00.001-05:00

List of choking deaths

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This is a list of famous people who have died by choking.

Alexander Alekhine - 24 March 1946 (53) - Autopsy indicates heart attack, but supposed witness claimed choking.
Attila the Hun - 453 (47) - Although cause of death is disputed.
Tommy Dorsey - 26 November 1956 (51)
Jimmie Foxx - 21 July 1967 (59)
Tennessee Williams - 25 February 1983 (71)
Subroto Mukerjee 1960
Christy Brown 1981

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_choking_deaths

My Favoritest Coffee On Earth Right Now

2010-11-02T02:58:00.003-04:00

Based in Mendocino. It's just damn good and it makes me skip out of bed in the morning like a little girl.

http://www.thanksgivingcoffee.com/

This Looked Really Good to Me and I have No Idea Why

2010-11-02T02:56:00.002-04:00

It also made me miss the English motherland... even though I'm not English.

Old Dogs Learning New Tricks

2010-11-02T02:53:00.003-04:00

A new friend of mine showed me the most mind blowing thing ever... Frozen Berries+Banana+Yogurt+Chunky Nut Butter+Cacoa Nibs+Blender=The most heavenly smoothie you'll ever eat. Cocoa Nibs are clutch. They make the smoothie all crunchy and delicious.

Tis the Season for Mycelium

2010-11-02T02:50:00.002-04:00

Mushroom season's a'comin here in California. It'll soon be time to get out into the woods and start the hunt... and by the looks of the prices at the local farmers market it would be well worth your time.

LIFE IS SO EXPENSIVE!

2010-11-02T02:49:00.004-04:00

If you don't believe me then go try to by Organic Almond Butter.

Christ on a cross.

My Fridge

2010-11-02T02:41:00.003-04:00

One Old Black Coffee, Three Fig Bars, A Bottle of Sparkling Water, Pure Vermont Maple Syrup, Organic Whole Foods Brand Grade B Maple Syrup, Low Sodium Tamari, Nancy's Fat Free Plain Yogurt, Fresh Ground Honey Roasted Peanut Butter, Small Whole Foods Salad, One Pear, One Honey Crisp Apple, Two Bananas, 7 Cans of Club Soda, One bottle of White Wine...

Is that depressing? I can't tell.

Shit That's F-ed in the World Vol. I: Poop Coffee

2010-10-30T03:22:00.002-04:00

The most expensive coffee in the world is squeezed out the ass of a this:

That's right...

Kopi luwak (Indonesian [ˈkopi ˈlu.ak]), or civet coffee, is coffee made from the beans of coffee berries which have been eaten by the Asian Palm Civet (Paradoxurus hermaphroditus) and other related civets, then passed through its digestive tract.^[1] A civet eats the berries for their fleshy pulp. In its stomach, proteolytic enzymes seep into the beans, making shorter peptides and more free amino acids. Passing through a civet's intestines the beans are then defecated, keeping their shape. After gathering, thorough washing, sun drying, light roasting and brewing, these beans yield an aromatic coffee with much less bitterness, widely noted as the most expensive coffee in the world.

Kopi luwak is produced mainly on the islands of Sumatra, Java, Bali and Sulawesi in the Indonesian Archipelago, and also in the Philippines (where the product is called motit coffee in the Cordillera and kape alamid in Tagalog areas) and also in East Timor (where it is called kafé-laku). Weasel coffee is a loose English translation of its name cà phê Chồn in Vietnam, where popular, chemically simulated versions are also produced.

Wow.... WOOOOW.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_Luwak

Dear Jebus, Why Do Some Images Have to Be So Disturbing?

2010-10-30T03:18:00.002-04:00

Yeah. Try to burn that one out of your brain tube. Good luck.

Scrimps

2010-10-30T03:12:00.002-04:00

Supporting Gulf Shrimp is all the rage right now. Do it, order it, buy it... suck dem' heads. Our fishermen need you.

Mistake! Mistake!... Mistake, Mistake, Mistake!

2010-10-18T02:52:00.002-04:00

Awkward Silence Followed By Genuine Confusion

2010-10-18T02:47:00.001-04:00

My Annual Tip-Of-The-Hat to Something I Hate

2010-10-18T02:37:00.002-04:00

Homemade Vegan Candy Corn

Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
2/3 cup corn syrup (preferably organic, avoid high fructose corn syrup!)
5 tablespoons Earth Balance (or other vegan margarine)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup powdered soy milk
a pinch of sea salt
Red & yellow food coloring

Instructions:
In a large saucepan, bring the sugar, corn syrup, Earth Balance, & vanilla to a boil over high heat.

Reduce the heat to medium & boil the mixture for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. After 5 minutes, remove from heat.

Sift the powdered sugar, powdered soy milk, & salt into medium bowl.

Add the powdered sugar mixture to pan & stir to combine.

Let the mixture stand until slightly warm to touch, about 20 minutes.

Divide the dough into 3 equal pieces.

Consider putting on rubber gloves, so you don't stain your hands. Add several drops of yellow food coloring to one piece of dough & knead food coloring into the dough until smooth and color is even. Repeat using red & yellow food coloring (for orange) with the second piece & leave the last piece white, but knead it until smooth. This isn't an easy task & could take up to 15 minutes!

Roll each piece into ropes of equal length (don't roll too thin or the dough will break) and push the three ropes together to form a long rectangle.

Using sharp knife, cut the ropes into triangles. Some will be white tipped & some will be yellow tipped.

Shape the candy corn as desired! You can even make Mellowcreme Pumpkins!

This yielded 110 candy corn, all larger than the store bought ones you're used to! You could easily half this recipe & have a ton to share with others. I made mine somewhat large, as they're easier to work with, but you could make smaller ones & have a TON!

http://theurbanhousewife.blogspot.com/2007/09/homemade-vegan-candy-corn-happy.html

Not Funny, Just Uncomfortable

2010-10-12T03:23:00.002-04:00

Cheeto Gone Wrong

2010-10-12T03:12:00.000-04:00

November =

2010-10-12T03:09:00.002-04:00

And For My Final Peanut Butter Post

2010-10-11T21:26:00.003-04:00

This may have been the best meal I've had in the last 6 months.

Black Coffee. Honey Roasted Fresh Ground Peanut Butter, High Fiber Bread, Homemade Low-Sugar Blueberry Jam made from Hand-Harvested New York State Blueberries.

Isn't it amazing when something so simple rocks your socks so profoundly?

Have I Told You Lately That I love you?

2010-10-11T21:21:00.003-04:00

Not Rod... Peanut Butter.

I think it may be my favorite food in the whole world.

Apparently I'm not alone...

Street Food

2010-10-11T21:17:00.001-04:00

Portland:

Eww... Mmm...

2010-10-07T22:36:00.001-04:00

Drool... Vurp... Mmmm.... Ick... Mmmmmnnnnnn..... Gulp....

I'm confused.

Man's Greatest Invention...?

2010-10-07T22:04:00.006-04:00

This was on Yahoo's homepage today:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/06/dining/06tacos.html

OK. So Spaghetti Tacos are "all the rage" for 12 year old humans right now. Whatever the f%&ck that means NY Times... 12 year olds don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

Regardless, it got me thinking about what other kinds of weird taco things are going on out there. I mean, the taco is so incredibly mindbogglingly amazing that it must be put to other uses right... ? The answer is yes.

Some of the 'other uses' I found:Each more delicious then the next. Sigh... Tacos... Man's greatest invention...?

For the Catsup Lover

2010-10-06T02:06:00.003-04:00

Exotic Ketchup is apparently all the rage... Uhh... or at least it's probably excited at least three people.

Who Knew Beans Could be Spelled With a 'Z'... Heinz Just Got Way More Bad Ass

2010-10-06T02:05:00.005-04:00

I just went to the Heinz website to peruse some recipes (Awkward silence... yeah, it's shameful, I know. At least I'm not still looking at porn... or pictures of Tom Selleck.)

... and they actually have a recipe for:

"Beanz on Toast"

Ingredients:

INGREDIENTS:

Bread
Ham
Heinz Baked Beanz®
Cheese
1 egg

DIRECTIONS:

Top 2 slices of toast with some ham, then some Heinz Baked Beanz®:, then cheese.

Grill until the cheese has melted all over the beans and top with a fried or poached egg.

Super Sweet.

http://www.heinz.com/

Accident in My Draws

2010-10-03T23:41:00.003-04:00

CarniFood

2010-10-03T23:38:00.002-04:00

Deep Fried Oreo Love

Not as Much Sense But Still a Gem

2010-10-03T23:35:00.004-04:00

http://beaarthurmountainspizza.tumblr.com/

Tom + Waterfalls + Sandwiches = So Much Sense

2010-10-03T23:31:00.005-04:00

http://selleckwaterfallsandwich.tumblr.com/

Oh, and What the F&$ck is this?!?

2010-10-03T23:27:00.001-04:00

Vurp.

I Didn't Know These Actually Exsited

2010-10-03T23:26:00.002-04:00

But alas, they do.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the Fart Sandwich:

I Don't Know The Psychology Behind Why It's So Gross

2010-09-26T11:59:00.004-04:00

... But it is.

I know, this book has been around forever... but it still ceases to amaze me.

I'm half in awe and half disgusted... Like how I feel about the miracle of birth, or the nacho cheese dispenser at gas stations.

The Sexiest Thing I've Seen Since... Ever

2010-09-26T11:57:00.001-04:00

On today's "Ask Jimmy" we learn about salads...

2010-06-09T19:36:00.007-04:00

From: XXXX

To: Uncle Jimmy
Sent: Wed, June 9, 2010 4:39:54 PM
Subject: salads

there's a fellow foodie at work that i go back and forth with daily.

he was wondering if you could tell us:

a. some of the best salads in the city (preferably simple green salad)

b. the best vegan salad in the city

told him you were the best person to ask this question.

_____________________________________________

Dear XXXX,

Oh my. Well you know salad is my favorite food... although technically it is not one food which is what f&$cks my sh*%t up when I'm playing the "What food would you take to a desert island" game, so I guess I should say salad is my favorite "foods".

Anyway, here are some idears -

Take-out type of situations:

I love Whole Foods Salad Bar. I can't help it. Embarrassed? Slightly. Going to stop eating there? Hell no.

The Whole Foods on South Street sucks as far as Whole Foods' salad bars go (and I should know considering that I've been to most of them in the United States). This is how much of a loser I am: I actually have an iPhone app that I use for locating WFs when I drive cross country. But anyway, I digress... Yeah, so the SS WFs sucks, but it works, and I would probably go there five days a week if I could (not sure about the WFs on Callowhill... might be even better... haven't been for awhile). Any salad bar really is my jam. There aren't many in the city.

What else?

Gia Pronto on 20th and Market has a real good Asian inspired salad. I can't remember what it's called... the Thai Salad or some such name. It has tofu, sesame sticks, carrots, water cress, and sesame ginger dressing... LOVE any salad w/ tofu in it and there aren't many round these parts that I've found. They serve it with this dank ass seedy roll that probably packs about 700 calories but OH! it's so good. I crave that salad for some reason.

Old Nelson has a good Asian inspired salad as well... This one's got cucs, carrots, red onion, peanuts and chicken.... and actually the same sesame ginger dressing. It's massive... I love the whole peanuts.

I used to go to Rustico in No Libs and order the spinach salad with pancetta and tuna salad (it was a special creation that I made up... I just ordered the spinach salad and asked for the pancetta and tuna salad on top). For some reason I remember it being insanely good. The sweet and peppery spinach paired with the crunchy salt of the pancetta and a hit of creamy tuna salad. Mmm... It also may have had something to do with the fact that I worked a block away and Rustico was my only option and I'd rather stick a fork in my eye then eat pizza every day... (not that it would be pleasureable, at least for awhile, but it would be my hypothetical equivalent of giving up on life, wearing sweatpants, forgetting to shower and starting to smoke Winstons).

Cosmi's Deli on south 8th street makes a tossed salad with grilled blackened yellowfin tuna. It's just this huge delicious and gorgeous piece of tuna sitting on some greens for like 8 bucks. It's awesome.

Gettin' Fancy:

Hikaru has a delicious seaweed salad with three types of marinated seaweed... no greens, just seaweed. Their house salad makes my eyes roll back in my head, the ginger dressing is so fresh and delicious. The salad itself is just real simple... Small serving of ice berg lettuce, one carrot, one cucumber, and one tomato slice, but oh that dressing.

Horizon's Spinach Salad will make you want to kill a man with glee. Everything they serve at Horizon's is Vegan and everything I've eaten there has been stellar... XXXX uses the Horizon's cookbook. I went to her house for dinner the other night and she made a chilled cucumber soup and another dish... roasted cauliflower. Both were other worldly. Just checked and it looks like Horizon's must have removed it from the menu but it looks like the replacements wouldn't disappoint:

A Greener Salad 8 frisée, arugula and pea leaves, nicoise french beans, creamy truffle vinaigrette and hazelnut picada

Chopped Romaine Salad 9 avocado, radish, smoked black olives, parsley, crispy potato, preserved lemon dressing

The Continental has a calamari salad that is Yummy-licious. It is finely chopped, lightly dressed and served with a good bit of fried calamari on top. You know I'm not the biggest fried food person but this works. It's big enough to split as an entree... big.

Of course there is the Toms Special Salad at South Street Souvlaki with f&$%ing taramosalata (whipped caviar and olive oil... what, what!?!?!?), dolmas, olives and feta cheese. Mmm! You know first hand that you must go there order that salad and the grilled octopus. You must not go alone, take a pal, and consider yourself blessed. Remind him that he must not be lured in by the siren call of ordering anything else... remember the buckets o' pita. More then enough food. And cheap! Boo-yeah.

The Spinach Salad with pine nuts, sun-dried tomatoes, gorgonzola and candied peach pear at Sabrina's is a good hangover salad. I don't technically count it as a salad since there is enough fat in the form of oil, nuts and dairy to give you a raging fupa, but if you need to cure an achin' head it might be just the thing.

Had a mango shrimp salad at Honey's Sit n' Eat once that was definitely noteworthy but I think it was a special.

I love the smoked salmon salad at Tria. Oh Yes. It comes with citrus marscapone cheese and gorgeous caper berries. It's not that filling but it's REALLY good. XXXX gets the goat cheese salad and she loves it too.... looks like they're all good though (below)... I just can't stray from that damn smoked salmon:

Smoked Duck with Strawberries, Pistachios, Grana Padano, Spinach and Citrus-Mint Vinaigrette $10

Arugula with Beets, Goat Cheese, Crushed Almonds, Red Onion and Balsamic Vinaigrette $8
Smoked Salmon, Asparagus, Caper Berries, Citrus Mascarpone, Arugula and Lemon-Pepper Vinaigrette $9½

Mixed Greens with Mission Figs, Gorgonzola, Pine Nuts and Gorgonzola-Pine Nut Vinaigrette $8½

Salad of Grilled Asparagus, Artichoke, White Beans, Tomato-Onion Relish and Pine Nuts $8
Smoked Chicken and Lancaster Bacon Salad with Black River Blue Cheese and Balsamic Vinaigrette $9½

Last, but not least, Mama's has wonderful traditional Israeli salad.

God, there are so many more but that's all the steam I got for now. I could get more specific... is your friend a veg? Vegan? Dp they want something healthful? Or just delicious? Tell him we should "cook" salads. The best salad I've eaten in a long time is XXXX's... she puts out a big bowl of fresh butter leaf lettuce, cucumber, thinly sliced carrots, shredded raw beets, red onion and avocado and then serves it with sides of hot quinoa, pickled cabbage and freshly toasted spicy pumpkin seeds... throw on a little nutritional yeast, balsamic vinegar and a pinch of sea salt... HOLY HELL! that's some good stuff.

Hope that helps.

Jimmy

Stupid Food Humor

2010-06-03T21:48:00.000-04:00

2010-06-02T15:14:00.003-04:00

One of the best meals I've ever had in my entire life was recently at Sol Food in San Rafeal, CA. I realize this is just a tease cause you can't get it in Philly, and who the hell ever goes to San Rafeal but go out of your way. It's worth it... SO worth it.

Slow cooked chicken, rice, beans and simple greens. Simple, Simple, Simple! Why is it so good? How?!?!

http://www.solfoodrestaurant.com/index.html

Just in the Case That You Were Curious

2010-05-23T10:56:00.000-04:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating

Crisis of Identity

2010-05-20T18:09:00.005-04:00

I'm always confused by restaurants with apparent crises of identity.

One example is a spot I went to the other night.

Hikari in Liberties Walk.

They call themselves a "Japanese Restaurant & Sushi Bar"... WELL THEN Hikari, why oh why do you serve Bibimbap?!?!?!? WTF?

The menu reads like this... sushi... Japanese salads... teriyaki... blah, blah, blah, maki, more sushi, Japanese stuff, blah blah blah, and then BAM! "Korean"... they just drop this random Korean section in there like no one is going to notice that they are two totally different cuisines from two totally different countries in two totally different geographic locations.

Weird.

I can not tell a lie, the sushi wasn't bad. But it's still weird!

Hikari - 1040 N American St Ste 701, Philadelphia, PA 19123, (215) 923-2654, thehikari.blogspot.com

Looky Here Dumplin'

2010-05-17T21:56:00.002-04:00

Glorious, cheap. Soup filled dumplings at Dim Sum Garden.

The place itself is under that creepy concrete situation on N. 11th street. Scareeeee!
But it's worth nearly dying and/or contracting ebola from the door handles. Believe me, the chances of death are slim and the food is great.

Dim Sum Garden - 59 North 11th Street Philadelphia, PA 19176

215.627.0218

Sugary Heven

2010-05-17T14:01:00.003-04:00

Sweettooth has some crazy good candy, including chocolate covered cake batter.

Not sure how long they can last though. I mean, how profitable can a candy store be on 4th and Bainbridge...? It just seems like you'd need to sell a lot of candy to a lot of people with tattoos to make any money. So go! Give them some biznatch.

Rocky Mountain Oysters

2010-05-12T19:50:00.000-04:00

First...

Then...

Voila!

Something I Heart

2010-05-07T14:28:00.001-04:00

Kale Chips... just dried kale and nutritional yeast. They cost more then gold but they are delicious and healthy, healthy, healthy.

Food That Does Not Look Like You Should Put It In Your Mouth

2010-05-04T14:52:00.003-04:00

Ice cream with green beans.

When In Doubt

2010-05-04T14:46:00.003-04:00

Bahahahah. Thank you Phoodie.info! Thank you, thank you, thank you for introducing us to What the Fuck Should I Make For Dinner.

You're the greatest.

whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com
www.phoodie.info

My Favorite Place On Earth

2010-04-27T23:12:00.000-04:00

The Bakery.

I just love them. All bakeries. Every single one.

I love the smells, the sounds, the energy. I love how each loaf of bread, each roll, each cake or cookie is like a little piece of artwork... art that someone slaves over, wakes up at 4 a.m. for, unconditionally devotes their life to... and which will only last for a day.

No one opens a bakery to become wealthy. It is a profitless artform. Good bakers believe in artisanal food and quality product. They know someone else is going to make it cheaper, faster, more white and spoungy and on-sale in the grocery isle, but they don't care because they believe in their craft and they know that if there is still a market for truly great bread, even if it is small and getting smaller, then they must continue to create.

I don't envy the small-scale baker. It must be a hard life slaving for pennies when even learned palettes choose mass produced crap with enriched flour, preservatives, and ingredients I can't pronounce, all mixed, kneaded, baked, packaged and boxed without any real human contact. If you've ever baked at home you know how intimate and how alive baking and bread can be. A true labor of love.

Sigh... Such an old-timey profession. I just hope we as consumers support our local bakers now before there just aren't any left... cause let's face it, there really isn't a more perfect food then a truly exceptional loaf of bread.

Philadelphia Just Got Better

2010-04-25T13:18:00.005-04:00

Did you know that Philly Pretzel Factory will customize pretzels for you? Amazing new discovery.

For the next party I host for out of town-ers I'd like to have a variety of Philadelphia celebrities. I'm thinking pretzel heads of Joey Lawrence, Bob Saget, Bill Cosby, Patti LaBelle, Richard Gere and Phyllis Hyman (I don't know who she is but apparently she's famous, from Philadelphia and, as a side note, has a very unfortunate name). I wonder if they'd honor this request.

www.phillysoftpretzelfactory.com

Get Your Rocks Off

2010-04-25T13:13:00.000-04:00

Best website ever:

http://foodporndaily.com/

Vegetable Du Jour

2010-04-25T13:07:00.002-04:00

My most loved vegetable of the moment: Belgian Endive... Mmm... raw, grilled, in salads, stuffed, used as a spoon... it's so bitter and crisp and good.

YUM!

Could Anything Be Hotter Then Cupcakes Right Now?

2010-04-21T22:50:00.010-04:00

It is kind of annoying, but come on, who doesn't love cupcakes?

Aww...

Mmm...

... They're just so... likable.

There are so many places now selling cupcakes in the city that it would be hard to mention them all... but the other day I was in Collingswood, NJ and I saw this...

Mention-worthy... ingenious in fact.

www.buttercreamphiladelphia.com/home

You Can't Get Squat For 40 Cents

2010-04-21T22:30:00.005-04:00

... Unless of course you go to the Asian Market.

You may or may not know of my deep and unconditional affection for Asian markets. In today's "Neatest Thing About the Asian Market" segment we explore Tofu.

In my local market there are raging tubs of tofu. Big blocks of it float around in their gloriously cloudy juices. They sell for 40 cents a block.

You heard me... Tofu = Four-Tee cents. Asian markets are good.

First Oriental Market Inc. - ‎1111 South 6th Street, Philadelphia, PA 19147-4850 (215) 271-2528‎

Body of Christ For Your Next Dinner Party?

2010-04-21T22:19:00.002-04:00

Eucharist Bread

4 cups whole-wheat flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons salt
4 tablespoons brown sugar
½ cup honey or molasses (or a ¼ cup of each)
½ cup oil
¾ cup milk
¾ warm water

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Mix the dry ingredients. In a separate large bowl, mix together honey (and molasses), oil, milk and warm water. Add the dry ingredients one cup at a time to avoid lumping. Knead for 1 minute using more whole-wheat flour until the dough is not sticky. Roll into ½ inch thickness and cut into 2"-5" circles (depending on your need). Score the top of one side in quarters (don't be too shy because the lightly scored disappears in the baking process).

Bake for 5 minutes on each side. Cool completely before storing in plastic bags. It is better to be slightly under-cooked instead of over-cooked because it will not crumble for those who intinct.

www.sttims.org

Like a Black Hole, or Kids with Cancer... It Just Makes No Sense

2010-04-21T21:56:00.006-04:00

Does anyone know about this magical Walden Farms? I was in Rittenhouse Market the other day and there I happened to notice three flavors of: Walden Farms Calorie Free Veggie Dips in 'Bacon', 'French Onion', and 'Ranch'.

On the label they claim to be calorie free, fat free, carb free, gluten free, AND sugar free... AND (not that they're yogic or anything) the ingredient list isn't going to give you heart palpitations or require a team of researchers to decipher.

So it's true? There really is a God? Miracles really do happen?

I bet not. I haven't tasted them yet, so I shouldn't go getting all judgemental, but I'd be downright shocked. Something is telling me they probably taste like a cardboard monkey's asshole... but I could be wrong, in which case I'm going to start playing the lottery and trusting my fellow man because, by golly, good things really do happen.

P.S. If your curious check out their website. They appear to have a whole line of equally as unimaginably calorie-free products, including chocolate syrup and "whipped peanut spread"... Waaaa happpaaannn????

http://waldenfarms.com/

Diet Food

2010-04-21T21:53:00.002-04:00

French Laundry

2009-05-03T14:10:00.002-04:00

I'm finally going to make it... 42 Days and counting. I WILL be breaking my current pescatarian status for this.

What the Hell Is It?

2009-04-07T15:30:00.008-04:00

Well, first of all, it was invented in the 1970's, which tells us a lot right there. Secondly, it is described as a "blend of various texturing ingredients, flavorings and colorants." Mmm!

The primary ingredient is surimi... which in itself may need an explanation.

Cutesy of Wikipedia -

Surimi (Japanese. lit "ground meat")... a Japanese word referring to a food product intended to mimick the meat of lobster, crab, and other shellfish. It is typically made from white-fleshed fish (such as pollock or hake) that has been pulverized to a paste and attains a rubbery texture when cooked.

Meat from lean fish or land animals is separated and then minced numerous times to eliminate undesirable odors. The result is beaten and pulverized to form a gelatinous paste.

Right. So we gots the seafood paste. Now what do we do with it? Make it into a crab leg maybe???

... The most common surimi product in the Western market is imitation or artificial crab legs... sold as krab in America...

[It was developed to] process the increased catch of fish, revitalize Japan's fish industry, and to make use of what was preciously considered "fodder fish".

A typical ingredient list looks like this:

Pollock, water, egg-whites, cornstarch, wheat starch, natural and artificial flavor (natural flavors include but aren't limited to amino acids and proteins obtained through aqueous extraction, and there are artificial flavoring compounds like esters, ketones, nucleotides, and monosodium glutamate, etc.), less then 2% snow crabmeat, soybean oil, mirin, potato starch, salt, sugar, soy protein isolate, monosodium glutamate, sorbitol, sodium tripolyphosphate.

"Prior to freezing cryoprotectant materials such as sugar and sorbitol are added to prevent degradation of the gel-forming properties of surimi. Starch & egg whites are added to improve the texture, color and to stabilize the gel matrix".

Oh, and the color. That typically comes from water insoluble compounds like carmine, caramel, paprika and annato extracts which are mixed and then applied to the crab meat bundles... in order words, big weird bundles of the shit are painted with chemicals to be red... or pink... or orange... or whatever it is.

Sigh. Another great example of modern food production in action. Wow.

I have a friend who buys it cold and enjoys right out of the bag. I have expressed my lack of support for this practice and she has told me to shove it up my ass and that she doesn't want to hear any more of my holier-then-tho preachy bullshit. We agree to disagree.

Prepare To Be Horrified

2009-04-01T02:20:00.001-04:00

For the bride that wants a truly unique wedding...

Babette's Feast

2009-04-01T02:15:00.003-04:00

This is an incredible food movie... we watch it each year on Thanksgiving.

Flavor Combinations - Obsession Du Jour

2009-03-26T13:09:00.005-04:00

Fig and tamarind.

Moroccan Feastival

2009-03-26T00:48:00.003-04:00

The other night I made a Moroccan feast.

A friend was leaving for a trip to Morocco so I wanted to send her off right.

We were eating traditionally, communally, off platters with our hands.

I started off with hot towels served table side, and then broke off six courses of glory - three salads - a garlicky cucumber tomato salad, a warm sauteed eggplant in a thick red tomato sauce, and a chilled marinated carrot and parsley salad- all were served with a big basket of torn warm bread for scooping. Then came lemon chicken served whole. Next couscous and currants, then the motherload - sweet and savory bastilla, then a bakliva cake with a burned butter mint sauce, next came mint tea, and finally an overflowing bowl of whole fruits.

If there was a cooks equivalent to spiking a football I would have done it at the end of the meal... and then I would have done some kind of asshole dance too. It was good... by God it was good.

California

2009-03-25T21:44:00.003-04:00

Oh, Hai. How have you been? Sorry I haven't written you in awhile but I have been busy learning how to become a proper gypsy. I've taken up some new hobbies including beard growing, showering with only a Nalgene bottle and a stick of gum, and bird watching. Things are really going great.

So right, where have I been... ? There was Manhatten, Philly, the Smokey Mountains, Asheville, Nashville, Memphis, Hot Springs NP, Austin, Carlsbad Caverns, Madrid, Santa Fe, Taos, Flagstaff, Vegas, Red Rocks, Death Valley, Mohave Desert, Joshua Tree, San Diego, Los Angeles, back to Joshua Tree, back to Flagstaff - this time for two weeks, Sequoia NP, Berkeley, San Fran and now Sonoma... Oh, glorious, glorious Sonoma.

I've been in Cali for quite some time and have little concept of time anymore but I think I have been here for (boop, boop, beep, bop... calculating)... almost three weeks. Holy shit! That seems like a long time. Wow.

It's just so glorious that I can't leave... a perfect storm of ocean cliffs, green green mountains, mossy redwoods, and rolling hillsides covered with vineyards... brilliant yellow mustard flowers blowing in the breeze. Mwa!

And the food, the wine, the oranges, lemons, Dungenous crab, avocados... Sigh. Cali cuisine, so distinct, so healthy and so fresh.

Plus, I have found so many new obsessions... Nutritional yeast, canned fish, agave syrup, kombucha...

Oh, and my favorite - Ak Mak

It's SO good. Flat bread crackery type things that are wonderfully healthy yet really flavorful. They are so light and airy with this really distinct and desirable texture... one that I've never seen before. And the taste is really complex and all sesame-like. Mmm! Plus if you're a God-fearing person they are somehow holy... I don't know how, you will have to read the packaging to know how or why they will get you closer to divinity or whatever but, suffices to say, they are some tasty-ass Jesus crackers...

Boold Peanuts

2009-02-19T12:47:00.005-05:00

So, right. There was Asheville. It was cold in Asheville... very very cold, but we had a great little salad at a place named Todd's Tasties (unfortunately so) and we were fed hippy food mostly with weed in it.

... Then it was time to hit the road.

Up over the Great Smoky Mountains we went (the Great Smoky Mountain National Park by the way is - and always will be - free... it's written into the initial land transfer. Just an interesting little factoid for you). On our way to Nashville we hit Dollywood (eek!), Gatlinburg (double eek!), and the Grand Ole Opry... all of which were closed for the season. OK... Gatlinburg obviously doesn't "close" but I either blocked it out from the trauma or I was still stoned from the hippy food. Your guess is as good as mine.

Anyway... my most interesting food related observation from this leg of the trip was the reminder about boiled peanuts...

There are roadside stands hawking them all over the place.

If you haven't had boiled peanuts you are missing out... and what you are missing out on is a great story to tell your friends about how there is a food in the south that is less appealing then eating cardboard that was wrapped in bark and then boiled in unflavored toilet water.

They taste exactly like you would imagine... like a hot, soggy bean.

Those southerners never cease to amaze me. First that war thingy... and then this. Cray-zee.

Jimmy's Taking Off - Day One

2009-01-29T08:21:00.011-05:00

I had ignored my gypsy roots for far too long. My pants were itchen' and my hands were a cold that only January-in-Philadelphia can bring. I'd had enough. It was time to leave my apartment, the city, the east coast... I split. Ciao, Buon Viaggio, Hasta Luego, Arriverderci, Au Revoir, Auf Weidersehen, G'bye. Gone are the days of Uncle Jimmy Eating Philadelphia as we know it and on are the days of Uncle Jimmy Eating America... and I'm hungry.

I hit the open road yesterday and by "open road" I mean a road covered with three nasty inches of snow with a thick icy crust.

I could barely drag my big ass bags to the car without falling on my ass and I was only "helped" by the crazy woman I passed who threatened to "shit on my f*&$ing face" and by the ogles of the creepy dudes who stand across the street smoking cigarettes and making you feel like you need to go back inside for a hot rape shower. Ahh, Philthy. How I'll miss you.

Anywho. So I was on the road. I picked up my co-piolot, Mang, who will be joining me for the first two weeks of the trip. Don't worry. I'm safe. Mang's with me.

The first leg of the trip was a little hairy, with the freezing rain and all, but all turned right in the world mid-way through Virginia with only cloudy skies and spotty rain showers as a reminder.

We passed through Tennessee after night fall and drove through the dramatic Smoky Mountains... I was sad that we hit them after dark as the silhouettes were awe-inspiring.

Ahh... The road was flying by under my ass and it felt grrrreat.

Our first stop was Asheville to stay with my hippy friend Stephanie.

She just bought a house there and she welcomed us with open arms and glasses of wine.

The house was all warm and cozy and there were plants everywhere and just the right amount of handmade pottery to make you feel like at least one person in the house reads about Buddhism on the regular. And people... there are many. It's kind of like a commune (one guy is an Emile Hirsch circa Into the Wild lookalike). Oh, and there is also no shower which is... how shall I say. Not shocking.

They also have one of those life sized card board cut outs of Obama with the white dude hands!!!! I couldn't believe it. I had just heard a story on the radio the day before!!!! They didn't even know what kind of gem they were sitting on!

We went and got a salad and a delicious local Microbrew at Todd's Tasties. I had a Wedge IPA and it was delicious.

When we got back Steph's roommates were making veggie tempura and goo balls for dessert. Ha. Fitting.

So, anyway... some food, some wine and then to bed. There is no heat here (again... not shocked) so it is icy cold.

Don't worry, I have apologized profusely to Mang for bringing her to a hippy commune with no heat or showers and I don't think she is going to retaliate on my as... or Mang me out as we say.

Day two... Woke up early. I'm off to go explore the town.

Happy New Year

2009-01-26T23:10:00.005-05:00

Today marks the year of the Ox.

May I recommend the parade next Sunday followed by Dim Sum at Ocean City? Mmm... so good.

The pork buns and shark fin are delicious but try everything.

That's the fun of Dim Sum... The dishes are all brought to you for your inspection so just take a peek and point to what looks good. Portions are small and inexpensive so if you don't enjoy one of the things that you chose it's no problemo... you're a better person for trying.

Here's to a new year. I'm feeling really good about this one.

Ocean City Restaurant - 234 N. 9yh St. Philadelphia, PA 19107

215.829.0688

www.oceancityrestaurant.com

Ode to WaWa

2009-01-26T22:34:00.008-05:00

I love Wawa.

Maybe it's wrong but it feels so right.

There are just so many fresh fruits and vegetables everywhere, and you can make your own salads or sandwiches, and there is plenty of club soda, and there are lots granola bars, and the stores are always big so I don't get claustrophobic, and no one who works there is ever good looking so I don't feel intimidated, and the bathrooms usually aren't covered in fecal matter, and if you wanted to kill yourself there are plenty of donuts and cheese filled soft pretzels on which to do so. That's what I call one stop shopping.

Maybe instead of holding on to my dream of opening a food cart I will open a traveling Wawa. How amazing would that be?... not for you, for me. I would get to be surrounded by the cushy womb of Wawa everywhere I went. It would be a glorious existence. Sigh.

Heartbreakingly, I just learned from Wawa's website that they don't franchise. DAMN!

It was a crushing blow, although I did discover a few interesting Wawa factoids:

Factoid #1. The company was originally a home delivery dairy service until the first Wawa market opened in 1960. (Oww... Milk men! What an old-timey job. I may have to add that to my list of jobs-to-have-before-I-die, right along side of

Drawbridge Tender, Phone Psychic, and Jelly Donut Filler).

Factoid #2. All dairy products available at Wawa are artificial growth hormone free (Strange that we need to be congratulating anyone for that but, Yay).

Factoid #3. As for the name... apparently the company's original dairy was built in Wawa, PA., which itself was named after the local Lenni Lenape Indian tribe's word for the Canadian geese found in the Delaware Valley.

Factoid #4. In 1995 Wawa begins offering ATMs with no service fee (One of the many reasons I could kiss them on the mouth).

Factoid #5. Wondering how many calories are in your Classic Italian Shortie with extra mayo, pickles, and provolone cheese? Visit the Wawa NetNutrition calculator online and all the caloric information you desire will be yours.

Oh and elsewhere I discovered that Johnny Knoxville has a Wawa tattoo:

Huh. Who'd a thunk it?

So, anyway... To summerize my ode to Wawa: Oh Wawa, I hath seen such beauty only in thee heart of spring. If only I could wrap your tender bosom into the shape of a food cart and carry thee gently about... only then would thine heart be at peace.

So romantic. If I had a Valentine I might get them a Wawa gift card.

Ever Wonder What a Cloud Tastes Like?

2009-01-20T16:49:00.002-05:00

Me too. And I have no F-ing clue. BUT something tells me they may taste like the light-airy-sweet-tart-glory that is Greek Yogurt.

My current favorite is Fage AND the 0% is Non/None/No-Fat so it is healthy, healthy, healthy. If you're eating it on its own you can fold in a wee bit of honey or fruit spread for a little sweet kick.

Mmm...

Out Not In

2009-01-20T14:18:00.008-05:00

I went to dinner the other night with my Israeli friend. We were trying to invoke the spirit of our recent trip to Israel which now seems oh-so-long ago. I hadn't had a good Israeli meal since returning to the States and I was craving it something awful. I wanted to be sure we got the best, most authentic, Israeli food in the city regardless of price, reputation, or anything else. I did my homework and all signs pointed to Mama's Vegetarian in center city so that's where we ended up.

At Mama's you order cafeteria-style. We ordered the hummus platter, the bureka platter, and the vegetable salad platter (we were very hungry). It was super cheap which is a plus, especially since they serve everything in plastic clam shell containers - even if you eat in as we did (which seems not only ghetto but, even more so, extremely wasteful).

We brought a bottle of Israel wine from the Galilee. I had called the week before to confirm this was OK but when I asked for a bottle opener they gave us a hard time and insisted that I had called "the wrong place" and that wine was not aloud... Hmmm.

I asked them "Why?" and they mumbled something rude. After insisting they didn't have a bottle opener they finally fished one out of the pencil holder and handed it over.

We shrugged them off, cracked the wine and sat sipping out of Styrofoam cups while getting the stink eye from the staff (in the not overly clean dining area). This all would have been much more annoying if A. I was facing them, luckily for me my back was toward the counter and B. the food wasn't as good as it was... but it was good. Very good.

Mama's hummus is not only delicious but more authentic then anything else I've had in the city.

The burekas are moist and flaky and there is a choice of spinach, mushroom or potato filling. They were the gargantuan variety which I hadn't seen in Israel but that appear to be the norm in the States.

Dee-licious...

The salad platter was just OK although it is the dead of winter so I'm wondering if the platter is more robust and isn't spilling over with tomatoes and cucumbers in the summer.

Also note that, in addition to what you order, there is a full fixin's bar with marinated carrots, fried cauliflower, pickles, olives, sauces, and various other marinated goodies. So factor in that deliciousness.

We topped everything off with Baklava and its honey-pistachio-gooeyness was delightfully mouth-melty.

SO... I think the moral of this story is that Mama's is designed for take out... they have never claimed otherwise. Having said that, if I were a take out person (which I'm not) this would be a stellar option... It's tasty, cheap, healthy, exotic, good for leftovers, good for movie night with your hot Israeli lover, good for pretending you made it and serving it at/bringing it to a dinner party.

In addition they have a meat-serving cousin on South Street between 6th and 7th if Shawarma is your jam.

Mama's Vegetarian - 18 S. 20th Street Philadelphia, PA 19103

mamasvegetarian.com

215.751.0477

They're Not ALL Pithy

2009-01-19T15:07:00.008-05:00

I was recently having a conversation with a friend. We were happily talking about our favorite fruits when all of a sudden, completely out of the blue, she sideswiped me with the "fact" that she did not like oranges.

I was taken aback, and greatly disturbed, but I waved her off and decided that she had been momentarily touched by the crazies.

I just wanted to pretend that it had never happened but she kept insisting and her apparent contentment to continue living a life without the orange blew my mind.

It was like she had just lay down and accepted it. At first I angrily told her that she should just start wearing sweatpants and eating pie for breakfast because, in my opinion, she had basically already given up on life...

BUT I couldn't. I couldn't know what I knew and live with a clean conscious. Hers was a fate too severe for any human to bear... and frankly I just didn't believe her.

I asked what it was about the orange that she didn't like... was it the taste? the zest? the pulp? the pith?

Through some (not so extensive) deduction we determined that her dislike did in fact stem (pun intended) from the pith.

When "eating" an orange she (like many other with the same affliction) would suck the juice out and discard the pith.

It was all very heartbreaking. After a long cry, a handle of cheap wine, and a half a bottle of aspirin I ran (OK. I walked. Slowly. While holding my head.) to the store for some emergency supplies. I needed to change this crazy bitch's ways.

I bought what I know to be the most tender, juicy and pith-free orange I could find... the Satsuma (also known as Mikan).

I knew if they couldn't change her mind, nothing could. To make a long story short... She loved them, and now I can rest easy knowing that there is one less hater walking this earth.

So, I would encourage any of you who know an orange hater to have an Satsuma intervention. Trust me. They will thank you for it later.

What's She Doin' With That Apple?

2009-01-19T14:59:00.004-05:00

No Beef

2009-01-17T18:05:00.004-05:00

I don't think I have had a burger since 2006. I hear you can be killed in Texas for less.

Beard Person

2009-01-17T17:37:00.007-05:00

That's me. I'm what you call a beard lover... I may be the number one fan of the beard.

What hurts me more then anything is the food service industrie's beard ban.

Yes, I'm talking about the beard cover. It is so unfair to ostracize beard wearers with this humiliating punishment. Inhumane really. I am in strick opposition. It just ain't right.

GOD that's douchey.

This means I'm never going to be able to date a chef, or a chef with a beard, and I'm greatly disturbed by this notion.

Baby Sex Food

2009-01-17T17:24:00.004-05:00

From NPR:

"A recent paper titled 'You are what your mother eats' found that women who ate lots of breakfast cereal, salt and potassium were more likely to give birth to baby boys."

WHAT!?!?!?!?

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyld=99346281

Mexi-Clone

2009-01-16T00:36:00.007-05:00

I went to the new Northern Liberties spot the other night - El Camino Real. It was the first time I had been. It was also the first time anyone with me had been.

I didn't eat. I drank my dinner but I was the only one... Everyone else at the table ate.

They didn't know it but they were being very closely watched... studied if you will. I was keeping an eye on them to determine how they liked the food... Noting every expression, each reaction.

We sat down, we ordered, the food came, they ate, we talked about life, the economy, the woman who's ass grew around that toilet seat... you know, the normal stuff. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to decipher any feelings one way or another. They all seemed OK with everything*... I mean, generally everyone seemed unaffected. You know, it was like they had eaten the same thing a zillion times. They knew what to expect when they ordered and what it would taste like when they put it to their lips. It was mindless. What struck me was that they could just as easily been as equally not-overly/not-underly impressed at one of the zillion Cantina/Segundos-esk establishments that are opening up all the hell over the city...

We get it already, "authentic" Mexican dishes served by radically hip hipsters... an equation that appears foolproof.

I was not impressed, although I didn't try a god damn thing so I should shut my face hole. I did drink beer and those were cheap... plenty of choices for three or four bucka'roos and the food didn't appear terribly overpriced either. Plus I love the logo... and looking at gorgeous hipsters.

Just some observations...

*With the exception of desserts, although I was dining with the head Pastry Chef from Le Bec. She was unimpressed.

El Camino Real 1040 N. 2nd Street, Philadelphia, PA 19123

215.925.1110

Hearts and Kittens and Clouds and Happiness

2009-01-16T00:29:00.003-05:00

More Things to Punch in the Jay

2009-01-16T00:18:00.004-05:00

Jessica Seinfeld.

A. Because she ripped off the Sneaky Chef

B. Because she's married to that Dee-Bag...

P.Fing.S. Why am I the only person on the planet who hates Seinfeld? Why is that?!?

Irony is Ironical

2009-01-16T00:16:00.004-05:00

Look Into My Crystal Ball

2009-01-15T23:55:00.004-05:00

OK, so you don't have to look too hard to see that there is going to be (or is already) a backlash against high concept food. Numbered are the days of hots that aren't supposed to be hot and things served on a bed of smoldering maple leaves (don't worry Keller, I'm sure you will still sell a million copies of Under Pressure, Sous Vide is still on the tip of everyones tongue).

Smut

2009-01-15T23:21:00.009-05:00

Do you know what I love, love, love?

Huitlacoche

Mmm...

A traditional ingredient in Mexican cooking, Huitlacoche, or Corn smut "is a disease of maize... Although it can infect any part of the plant it usually enters the ovaries and replaces the normal kernels of the cobs with large distorted tumors analogous to mushrooms. These tumors, or 'galls', are made up of much-enlarged cells of the infected plant, fungal threads, and blue-black spores." Courtesy of Wikipedia

(Ironically "fungal threads" was the name of my first band.) (That was a joke.)

Sounds wonderful doesn't it? No... no, it doesn't... but it is.

Mmm... They have it at a lot of places in the city but one place I've enjoyed it recently is at Xochitl where, if you ask me, they make everything yummy.

Xochitl - 408 S. 2nd St Philadelphia, PA 19147

215.238-7280

Places I Want to Eat a Hoagie

2009-01-15T23:02:00.006-05:00

In this addition of "Places I want to Eat a Hoagie" we explore:

The Kimmel Center

Hmm... Just imagine eating a hoagie on the main stage at the Kimmel Center.

Or, how about eating a hoagie in White Sands National Park

Interesting.

Finally, how about a hoagie at the Masonic "Friend to Friend" Memorial in Gettysburg, PA.

Now that aught to give you something to think about.

Why Wait?

2009-01-15T18:20:00.001-05:00

Elemental Cooking

2009-01-14T12:28:00.004-05:00

My new favorite cooking term du jour.

"Elemental Cooking is about preserving the intrinsic qualities of ingredients without any gratuitous showmanship." - Shola Olunloyo

(... Otherwise known as Italian Food, it's the basic principal behind all true Italian Cookery.)

Ten Things I Like About City Tavern

2009-01-14T01:12:00.005-05:00

1. Umm...

2. Uh...

I got nothin'...

Douchbags.

Wouldn't It Be Boring to be a Vampire?

2009-01-14T01:00:00.004-05:00

All that blood... All the time.

Bor-ring.

I think I would really start to crave something crunchy, or some fruit or something...

I don't know. Maybe it's just me.

Things I Want to Punch in the Vagina

2009-01-13T20:10:00.014-05:00

God People, including Tim Tebow and his Biblical Eye Black:

Monkeys who Smoke:

Joseph Poon's Menu for Joe's Peking Duck Original 1984:

Pan Fried Chinese Noodles? Paella? Pizza? Pulled Pork? Asian Tapas? Sushi? Lamb Chops? Risotto? He's just asking for a punch in the vagina.

Having said that, I still really want to go although I will be requesting the Peking Duck...

Joe's Peking Duck Original 1984 - 108 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia PA 19106

215-922-0880

www.josephpoon.com

Philly Staple

2009-01-13T19:59:00.003-05:00

I was an adult before I realized that Tastykake's are a local delicacy... I always just assumed that the whole world new about the glory that is the the Kandy Kake. Well, it's not so... there are some unlucky bastards out there that have never had the chocolate peanut-buttery pleasure. I feel really badly for those people. Almost as bad as I feel for people who think Velveeta is truly a cheese, or those that have the Polio.

But guess what? There's something out there that's even better then the Kandy Kake we know and love... It's The Doublicious...

F Yeah, Twice Filled. Suck on that shit.

Where O' Where Did Uncle Jimmy Go?

2009-01-13T19:25:00.011-05:00

A lot of you have been asking 'Where did Uncle Jimmy go at?'...

Well Uncle Jimmy became the latest victim of the current economic crisis when I got laid off from my job back in November. Since then I have been doing a lot of things like giving up on life, wearing sweat pants, eating ice cream, crying into my ice cream, figuring out how to eat meals from Whole Foods for less then $10/day (have yet to perfect this), and counting the bricks in my bedroom wall. Clearly I have been too busy to find the time to write posts.

(That's not me.)

So, I've been away for far too long BUT now I'm back.

... to get back to the topic at hand (namely food) I'm going to pick up on a theme we discussed earlier and list some of my favorite unavailable (or not readily available) ice cream flavor ideas...

Chili Flake

Honey Comb

Thai Iced Tea

Basil

Frosted Corn Flake

Limoncello

Malt

Jelly Donut

Macaroon

Bacon

Chocolate Covered Gummy Bear

Chocolate Pudding Pockets (Ironically, this was also my nickname in high school... not really)

Graham Cracker

Sweet Potato

Coco Puff

Rice Pudding

Bread Pudding

Pizzelle

Butterscotch Krimpet

I could go on and on...

Hilarious Food Photograph Du Jour

2008-11-14T16:24:00.000-05:00

Frenchy McFrenchy Pants

2008-11-13T20:19:00.006-05:00

I went to Bistrot La Minette last night.

To put it simply, I wasn't expecting much (Oh... A-NOTHER French restaurant in my neighborhood), BUT I ended up being very pleasantly surprised and highly pleased with my experience.

I greatly enjoyed the ambiance, the warmth, the open kitchen, the wait staff and their classic French uniform, the maître d' who graciously took our coats upon arrival, and the size, feel, and depth of the menu.

In addition the food was delicious, endearingly authentic, and was eloquently served by a well trained staff.

AND, they did something that many other restaraunts do but far too many more do not. They plated the dishes we were sharing on two plates. This is such a simple but thoughtful thing that restaurants can do for a customer. Obviously you can't do that for every dish - our puff pastry for example would have been a hot mess -

... but our endive and Roquefort salad with walnut dressing just seemed so much better eaten out of my own personal bowl.

Also, they offer a white and a red French house wine out of a clay pitcher - Pichets de Vin (750 ml bottle) - for $18 freaking dollars. I mean, it isn't any kind of mind blowing wine but it is perfectly acceptable quality, the pitcher is appealingly rustic, and you can't beat $18 with a stick.

Good times, good times.

I was wondering what the name is all about. I mean there are quite a few definitions of the world Minette and I wondered which definition they intended... a woman's name? a small portrait photograph? a endearing term for kitten? a syenitic lamprophyre composed chiefly of orthoclase and biotite?

All seemed so equally fitting... (Ok, so all but the last one seem equally fitting). But alas, I perused their website and ... drum roll please...

La Minette [lÃ mi-nÃ¨-t'], French, 1. a pussycat; 2. often referring to the youngest girl in a French family

Good choice my friends. Good. Choice.

Bistrot La Minette - 623 S. 6th Street Philadelphia, PA 19176
215.925.8000
www.bistrotlaminette.com

You're a Freakazoid

2008-11-13T13:11:00.001-05:00

I used to work on food photography shoots and, for a time, one of my clients was a pork producer*. I am telling you this because I'm trying to make the point that I have seen a lot of pork being photographed. For some perplexing reason I am always struck by how shitty photographs of pork look.

The pork always looks white and gross and completely unappetizing... even after styling and retouching.

Why? Why does pork look so unappealing on camera? It looks fine in real life. What is it about being captured on film that makes it look white and gross? I'm genuinely curious.

Beef looks tasty:

Chicken... Sure, Why not?:

But what's up with pork? Ick:

Is there a scientific explanation for it? Does the lens just not like pork's genetic composition? Does it have something to do with a chemical reaction that occurs during the cooking process? Is this the most trivial, worthless bullshit you've ever been asked? Am I the only person on earth that has ever pondered such matters of the mind?

Thank god we're not on a date. You would probably be "going to the restroom" right now to make the great escape. I guess I wouldn't blame you though since it only gets more bizarre once you really get to know me. In fact, if you didn't run I would be forced to lay the blame fully on you... I mean YOU are the one that chooses to entertain me. I mean, I am me... I can't get away from myself. You, on the other hand, have made a conscious decision. Freak.

*As a side note, that client referred to the slaughter of the pigs as "the harvest" which still gives me the heebie jeebies. Just saying.

Mellow on the Mallows Already

2008-11-08T10:12:00.002-05:00

Marshmallows are popping up all over the place.

I'm not talking about your average, everyday, run of the mill marshmallows. Oh no. These are "vegan" marshmallows... they are "old fashioned", they are "hand made", they are "artisan flavored", they are just expensive enough to make you feel like you are getting "something special".

I'm going to call them... Designer Marshmallows.

I'm seeing them in magazines, on cooking shows, in natural food stores.

To be honest, I am insanely jealous that I don't have a marshmallow factory so that I can take advantage of what I have determined is the current "Designer Marshmallow Craze". I can see the dollar signs now. I could have made millions (Not to mention the fact that I would get to say "I have a marshmallow factory" which is pretty bad ass).

Having said that, there is just something queer about it all.

I mean, honestly, I have known since I was a kid... since I was crapping my own pants, that there is something about marshmallows that just ain't right. The consistency just doesn't seem like something that god intended... it's just not something that occurs in nature. Plus, they are just so... American, so "Fat Free", so... Kraft.

Even then I clearly understood that they could only come from one of two sources. They were either the poo of magical fairies OR they came from a beaker. It was one or the other I just wasn't sure which at the time.

Later on, as I approached adulthood, I unconsciously concluded that they must in fact be made in a beaker and I left it at that. Which of course is true, although it wasn't until very recently that I realized that real marshmallows are just gelatin, sugar, and corn syrup beaten in a mixer.

Crazy, I know.
Anyone can make marshmallows!

You don't need a laboratory and an arsenal of creepy ingredients (although your grocery store brands still do include ingredients like artificial colour, artificial flavour, dextrose, modified corn starch, tetrasodium pyrophosphate, etc.).

Nope, all you need to make them at home is just some good old fashioned sugar, water, gelatin, corn syrup... get ta' whippin' and... bada bing, bada boom you got yourself some Designer Marshmallows. If you're feeling ambitious you could even give them as gifts this holiday season.

Of course Martha's makes them. Here's her recipe if you want to try 'em on for size:

Ingredients:

2 1/2 tablespoons unflavored gelatin
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup light corn syrup
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract
Confectioners' sugar (for dusting)

Combine gelatin and 1/2 cup cold water in the bowl of an electric mixer with whisk attachment. Let it stand 30 minutes.

Combine granulated sugar, corn syrup, salt and 1/2 cup of water in a small heavy saucepan; place over low heat and stir until sugar has dissolved. Wash down sides of pan with a wet pastry brush to dissolve sugar crystals.

Clip on a candy thermometer; raise heat to high. Cook syrup without stirring until it reaches 244 degrees (firm-ball stage). Immediately remove pan from heat.

With mixer on low speed, slowly and carefully pour syrup into the softened gelatin. Increase speed to high; beat until mixture is very thick and white and has almost tripled in volume, about 15 minutes. Add vanilla; beat to incorporate.

Generously dust an 8 x 12-inch glass baking pan with confectioners' sugar. Pour marshmallow mixture into pan. Dust with confectioners' sugar; let stand overnight, uncovered, to dry out.

Oww Girl, put those bitches in some hot chocolate this winter for a real mind bender.

So, yes. The marshmallow's making a comeback. That's great. Really. I'm totally supportive and truly happy for the marshmallow.

If for nothing else roasting marshmallows is second only to a barrel of monkeys on the fun spectrometer. That alone proves it's worthy of a lifetime of praise.

Viva la marshmallow!

... although I still think it's kind of queer. Just saying.

Super Cuddly and Cute Image of the Week

2008-11-05T21:03:00.005-05:00

No. You're right. I have never featured a super cuddly or cute image, let alone on a weekly basis, but by god, after seeing this lil' bugger I just might start. Look at those little feet! Almost makes me not want to eat 'eem.

As a side note:
Between the NASCAR-endorsed 'Pork and Beans' label, the weird felt backdrop, and the hairy little piglet, I feel like this photograph might have been taken by that kid in Deliverance who played the banjo.

Maybe it's just me.

Cinnamon & Spice

2008-11-04T10:30:00.006-05:00

Recently I went to Kanella.

While a number of magically delicious things happened to me there, there was also a string of tragically suspicious happenings... The jury is out.

On the 'Yay' side of the spectrum:

1. The Food - It was undeniably delicious. We ordered a bunch of small plates to share including the noteworthy Dips of the day with grilled Pita bread (Double yay for extreme, but not overpowering, use of garlic here. The dips vary by day. They were flavorful and filling and, for 7 bones, quite a bargain). The Beetroot with yogurt and scallions (simple cubed beets tossed in yogurt with red onions) was also superb. The food was light and fresh and healthy... just the way I like it.

2. The Coveted Cuisine - I'm told it's one of the only (if not the only) places in the city to get Cypriot cuisine (influences from Greece, Turkey, France and Italy). That in itself is a plus.

3. The Chef's Peepers - Konstantinos Pitsillides' blue eye/olive skin combo imparts a pleasing sense of the Med even when set against his cold-patriarchal-Mediterranean-man-attitude.

4. The Name - Kanella is Greek for cinnamon. For some reason I really like that.

5. The Ambiance - The cool blues and whites, the pillows and rustic wooden tables, impart a sense of vacationing in the isles.

On the 'Nay' side of the spectrum:

1. Bread - Our bread was burnt. There were two of us. We were served four pieces while our two neighbors were served 6 pieces (which were not burnt). Do I really want or need the extra two pieces? No. Do I feel cheated when I see that they got more bread then us? Yes.

(OK. Maybe I'm exaggerating with that image but you get the idea.)

2. Temperatures - Some things were served too cold. The tahini served with the bread, the dips, and the dessert (date and almond torte) were all just-out-of-the-refrigerator cold. It was weird. I'm not saying they should have been warm but the temperature imparted a - made earlier, stored in the refrigerator, just plopped on a plate - feeling... it was a major turn off.

3. Timing - ... is everything. Even though we were one of the few diners in the restaurant we were rushed at every step along the way. Word to the wise...
A. Don't ever put more plates on my table then can fit. Unless I force you to at gun point.
B. Don't ever ask me if I am done with a plate that I'm still eating off of... just don't.
C. Don't bring the dessert menu OR even bring up the word "dessert" until after the dinner dishes have been cleared.
D. Don't bring my check without asking if I still have half a bottle of wine left, and then tell me that your shift is ending soon... Cause I don't give a fuck. I'm still dining. Thanks. That shit might fly at Ruby Tuesday but when you start working at an establishment that surpasses the $20/plate mark you are in it to win it so sit back and relax.

So, the choice is your own. I'd say weigh your yays against your nays and try 'er out if you see fit.

Good luck and god speed.

Kanella - 1001 Spruce St Philadelphia, PA 19107
(215) 922-1773

Eww... Candy Corn

2008-11-02T20:12:00.006-05:00

Seriously. Eww. I mean, the mere thought of getting candy corn in or around my mouth gives me the heebie jeebies.

Vurp....

It's the kind of thing I imagine they feed torture victims so that they die a slow and painful nutrient-free death. The only redeeming quality (if you can call it that) is the "cute" and "festive" autumnal color palette.

Hold on, I got one for you. Let's say you switch out the orange food coloring for gray... BAM! You've got a lean-mean-torture-machine on your hands just like that.

What the hell is it anyway?

HowStuffWorks says:

It's considered a "mellow cream," a name for a type of candy made from corn syrup and sugar that has a marshmallow-like flavor. Although candy corn tastes rich, it's actually fat-free... the recipe for candy corn hasn't changed much since the late 1800s...

Uncle Jimmy says:

Really? I'm shocked (said in my extremely sarcastic voice since it tastes EXACTLY like the recipe hasn't changed since the 1800s).

Who the hell eats it anyway?

I don't know but
Wikipedia says:

The National Confectioners Association estimate 20 million pounds of candy corn are sold each year. October 30 is National Candy Corn Day.

Uncle Jimmy says:

There is a "National Candy Corn Day"?..... Really?
Wow.

Oh, and 20 million pounds of candy corn in a year!?!?!? My guess is that a large chunk of that is going to the mid-section of our country (pun intended) where they make things like this:

and this:

Shudder...

Shockingly, if you'd like to learn more it looks like there is actually an entire piece written on the subject, History of candy corn. With new colors and flavors, a treat for all seasons by Natalie Saeger.

Eww.