Is Anyone Feeling Motivated?

It would really be super if someone could take care of this wine "situation" that we have here in Pennsylvania.

By situation I am of course referring to the inexplainable (and inexcusable) lack of any store within state boundaries who offer a wine selection of any merit and/or a staff that knows their ass from a hole in the ground.

I'm just not feeling up to it right now so if someone could get on that quick that would be great thanks.

Oh! and being able to find a bottle of Chablis without a handle would be nice.

Oh! Wait, wait! One more... getting out of the 18 fucking hundreds and selling booze in the grocery stores like every other place in... oh say... the entire world would be super too.

Thanks again.

Rocket Propelled Shoes

... would be amazing but they are hard to come by so God was kind enough to gift us with espresso.

I have been liking Illy's. It's pretty darned good.



I drink my coffee black as night and bitter as hell. I love coffee more then I love most things in life. I love it more then I love happiness and certainly more then I love sunshine.

Mmm... like mother's milk.

At home, for guests, I make espresso in my old-timey espresso maker and serve it with milk scalded in a sauce pan. Sooo goooood (said in hearty Italian accent with hands making wildly and ridiculously exaggerated gestures in true Italian fashion).

This is What Happens When People Stop Acting Polite

... and start getting real.

Why are people dicks?

Kibitz, I don't care how fucking good your pastrami is, your staff is dicky and that's not acceptable.

... And stop putting so much god damn meat on your sandwiches. It's making me want to throw up.



Their shit is good though... dicks.


Kibitz In the City - 703 Chestnut St Philadelphia, PA 19106
(215) 928-1447

Baked Poe Tay Toe

If you have read my "Baked is Better" tortilla post then you know my affinity for baked things.

Well here's another...

The baked fry. Yes, yes, I know... I know... everyone knows that you can bake instead of fry a fry.... well then DO IT! It's tastier AND healthier.


Take a potato(s). Cut to desired fry shape (steak, batonette, chip, etc.). Toss in olive oil, salt and any other desired spices (I add lots of chopped garlic) and bake... make sure they are good and crispy and brown.

Mmm...

C-Belt

My friend Noop makes a sandwich. It's his own personal sandwich. He designed it, he makes it on occasion, and he calls it the C-Belt.

I was famished the other night and we got to talking about food. He described the sandwich to me in great detail and it sounded so sickeningly good... the kind of good that makes you feel guilty just thinking about it... like getting a hooker or stealing a wad of $100 bills. I thought it worthy of mention.

Are you sitting down?

Noop's C-Belt

This is a triple decker sandwich served on lightly toasted wheat bread.

C- Chipotle Mayonnaise with Goat Cheese Folded into it
B - Thick Cut Bacon
E - Fried Egg
L - Lettuce
T - Tomato
A - Avocado
(Technically it's called a C-Belta, but for some reason we decided that C-Belt just seems to work better.)


Wow. I haven't had it yet but for my birthday next year I was thinking about celebrating with C-Belts and hookers. Everyone is welcome to join me. The more the merrier.

Another friend who was with us said she makes a sandwich on French baguette, high quality butter, fleur de sel and French breakfast radishes.


I thought this also sounded stellar (although much less sinful). I noticed that each person's sandwich was representative of their individual personality traits. This got me to thinking of sandwiches and stuff of great depth... like people... and stuff.

I think everyone should have a signature sandwich, don't you agree?

Hmmm.... What would mine be??? Probably something with happiness... or peanut butter.

I think I just invented a new party game... like the "if you were a Beatle who would be?" game.

Chapter 2 - Pocantico Hills

After some crazy flawless navigation action by said iPhone (I’m still shocked at how amazing those little buggers are) I ended up (20 short minutes later) driving down the long winding driveway leading to Dan Barber’s Blue Hill at Stone Barns.

The place is breathtakingly beautiful.


Everything served in the restaurant is produced locally, comes from a very specific purveyor sourced for product superiority, OR it is actually grown/raised there on the grounds of the restaurant. They refuse to serve an ingredient that isn't at its prime and because of this you don't get an a la carte menu during the summer. The farmers and the chef tell you what is best that day...


You can choose between the "Five Course Tasting" and the "Farmer's Feast".

On the left hand side of the menu is a nonsensical list of ingredients, all running together, that will make an appearance somewhere within your tasting.

To put it very bluntly, and very simply, this was probably the best restaurant I have ever dined in and it is certainly the restaurant to which all other restaurants should look for inspiration, guidance and kinship.

It was an unmarred, sound and otherworldly meal. I didn't put one thing in my mouth that wasn't supreme. The wait staff is not only knowledgeable but passion courses through them.

I rarely find a restaurant worthy of destination dining but this is undoubtedly one. Go there. Travel to get there. Go for a special occasion. Go for a snack on your way to New England. Go when you are ready to be impressed.


Blue Hill at Stone Barns - 630 Bedford Rd. Pocantico Hills, NY 10591
914.366.9600
www.bluehillstonebarns.com

Chapter 1 - Head Full of Squirrels and a Belly Full of Vittles

Summer is far from over but, to be honest, the ol' gal is getting on in months.

I've noticed this phenomenon happening each year around this time, and as a result, I've taken to celebrating its inevitable approach with an event I like to call:

"The-2000Whatever-Uncle-Jimmy-Celebratory-Jam-where-I-
creepily-disappear-into-the-wilds-of-New-England-get-all-crusty-
like-and-don't-come-back-until-a-family-of-squirrels-has-
taken-up-residence-in-my-hair-and-some-damn-good-food-is-et".


To fully explain this tradition I must provide a little background.

You see... my story has humble beginnings. Uncle Jimmy’s parents were hippies. They got married and moved to Hippytown, USA (aka some woods somewhere in Vermont, just outside of some more woods that happen to be centered around a post office). Once established they immediately began smoking pot and smelling bad. My mom popped out a tiny lil’ Uncle Jimmy and Jimmy’s equally peculiar siblings.


My formative years were spent there in the deep woods of Vermont. As children we played naked among the pot plants while my parents skinned rabbits, gathered black walnuts, and foraged for mushrooms. They crafted nearly every morsel of sustenance that we put in our little hippy bodies.


These were the years when I learned how to get food into my mouth-hole, how to distinguish my ass from a hole in the ground, and how to recognize what a real god damn tomato tastes like (thanks Mom). It was amazing. Little was imported from the outside world and my palate happily developed in this hormone and pesticide free Shangri-La.

Tomato:

Something that's not a tomato:


Sigh. Vermont treated me well. I moved away years ago, but I go back often. I go back because Momma Jimmy wasn't the only one. It is a place where nearly every person crafts food with pride and where there's integrity behind every bite. It was in Vermont that I realized I was put on this earth to care about food... and it is to Vermont that I return to be reminded of just that.

So... It should come as no surprise that I spend a lot of time eating on my trips back. I have undoubtedly had some of the most wonderful meals of my life in New England whether it be a warm cinnamon bun from Momma Jimmy’s kitchen, a lobster tail from Thurston’s Lobster Pound, the white table cloth fare at Kitchen Table Bistro in Richmond, or the most delectable fire roasted pizza from American Flatbread Company (the original in Waitsfield is arguably my favorite place on earth).



I won't even begin to discuss the general stores where it seems like each and every one offers an unrivaled array of locally raised hormone-free meats, artisanal cheeses all beautifully packaged like little gifts, and maple creamies that make you want to… well... creamy.


Wow. It all sounds so dreamy right?

Why don’t I live there you ask…???

Because! Vermont's colder then a witches titty yo.

Anyway, I digress. The long short of it is... in order to remind myself of my true sense of purpose and that there is life outside the smelly hot-trash-and-fecal-matter ridden streets of Philadelphia I go back.

(Purposefully omitting image of "smelly hot-trash-and-fecal-matter ridden streets" below and substituting stereotypically beautiful shot of Vermont during Fall foliage season. You can thank me later.)



So that is where you would have found me last weekend. I book no rooms, I make no reservations, I have no plans, and that’s the way I like it.



Day one –

6:30PM Left Philadelphia for a strenuous, sadistic and violent fight with 95. The battle royal culminated with a drop kick to the face of the George Washington Bridge.

I was tired and I needed food so I activated my inner food-GPS system. 9PM… beep boo boo beep... Just North of NYC… beep ba boop... Hungry… beep beep boop

Wait a god damn second!

...It was like the perfect storm. All the chaos and confusion that ever was gave up being chaotic and gave up being confusing if only for just one single moment.

It was like my fate had been decided years ago... Had every move I'd made up to this point been a series of steps leading me to this one divine moment...?

The heavens parted. Everything was still.

I whipped out the iPhone. How the hell do you get to Pocantico Hills…?

To Be Continued...

Momma Jimmy's Kitchen
123 None of your God Damn Business Dr.
Hippytown, USA 12345
(ITS) UNL-ISTED
www.don’t even fucking worry about it.com

Thurston's Lobster Pound
1 Thurston Road
Bernard, ME 04612
207-244-7600
thurstonslobster.com

Kitchen Table Bistro
1840 W Main St
Richmond, VT 05477
(802) 434-8686
www.thekitchentablebistro.com

American Flatbread
46 Lareau Road
Waitsfield VT 05673
(802) 496-8856
www.americanflatbread.com